You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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