Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
