I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
