Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
