no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
