tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
