Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
