Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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