i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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