Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
