You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
