that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
