can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
