i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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