Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
