Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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