I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
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Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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