I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize