Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
