My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My first STD was from a foam party
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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