i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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