Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
