Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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