I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
