after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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