I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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