she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
