Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
