i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
