Sacagawea was the original milf.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
