hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
