i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
