she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize