She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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