took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize