Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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