I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
