he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
