he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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