did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
