where am i from again
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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