He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
