Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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