Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
