I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
