you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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