K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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