He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
