2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
