Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
