I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
