So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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