i think my mom watched the whole time
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
