i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
