im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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