I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
