When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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