Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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