You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
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That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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