Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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