At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
