They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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