Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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