I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
