There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
