i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
In America we eat man semen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
