Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
