walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
