can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
