i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
