I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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