woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize