oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
