the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
