He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
